Saturday, November 20, 2010

Eat, Pray, Love

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts." 
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

My sister told me about this book a long time ago and for whatever reason, I resisted reading it for the longest time. I think the thought of reading about someone that had a life altering epiphany scared the hell out of me.  When the movie came out, I think I rescheduled a few times to see it with her and when I finally did go, she did what all big sisters do.....she held my hand throughout the movie and let me cry.

I know it sounds silly to have a movie impact you so greatly, I thought so too, so I bought the book thinking there had to be something different....something lost in translation and I was just awed by the scenery and magnificence of the big screen.  Nope!  No such luck...the book was just as good, just a little more in depth.  I can't wait to buy the movie, the DVD comes out next week and I'm sure it's one of those that you get more out of every time you watch it.

The quote above just about describes where I am in my life.  I'm taking back control of the things I stopped controlling a long time ago.  I'm choosing to take my life back and no longer leaving my decisions up to others to make for me and then getting upset when things don't go my way.  How can I teach my girls to be strong women, if I can't even do it for myself?  So this is me.....off to take control of my life.....

Monday, November 15, 2010

If we knew beforehand, would we still make the same decisions?

"That's the thing about a human life-there's no control group, no way to ever know how any of us would have turned out if any variables had been changed."   Elizabeth Gilbert 

I love this quote, it really is a question of making the same choices and decisions if we knew beforehand the outcome.  I mean think about it....we are who we are because of the mistakes we've made.  If we never made those mistakes because we could see the variables for what they are and where they lead, would we still be the same person in the end?

I don't know how many times I wished I knew the outcome of things to save myself the heartbreak ahead of time, but then I wouldn't be the person that I am today.  I am who I am because I've survived those heartbreaks, because I learned the lesson and licked my wounds.  Would I have preferred the easy route in a lot of my mistakes, OF COURSE.  Life doesn't come with an instruction booklet, there is no race to the end and the best way to learn the lesson is to make mistakes to grow from....I know this, but it doesn't keep me from trying to control my fate.

It's easier said and done to fully entrust yourself to God, Fate, Life and Love.  My instinct to run has never been greater when facing my fears, but sometimes you just get tired of running.  Guess what?  I'm tired of running and terrified of facing my fears, but no one can do it for me, so both feet in it is.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I'm Twittering!!!

Check me out...I'm officially Twittering....now if I can only figure out what that means....hahaha!!

I'm Back....

Okay....so I totally lied about my last hiatus being over....but WOW has life given me a curve ball, so now it's officially over!  Tons to talk about....tons to say...

Since I was last on, my girls have gone back to school, I've gone back to school (yes, still chugging along on my Bachelor's Degree), I'm working and have experienced some heartbreak!

I'm learning to be me again.  It's been a while since I've been comfortable in my own skin and thanks to a great support system, I'm starting the see the vibrant, confident, happy-go-lucky person I used to be.  I'm learning that with such extreme highs comes extreme lows....that I can cry and pick myself up and not wait for someone to rescue me....that I can love completely without losing myself.

I'm going through an extremely tough time and I have to say, it's a humbling experience.  I don't have the luxury of laying down to die like I use to, I use to let life consume me and I'd allow myself to fully grieve, I can't now.  I'm a mommy with responsibilities, I don't have time...so I grieve little by little, between dropping off my girls at school and making my way to work, before I pick them up, while I shower, but mostly when I cry myself to sleep at the end of the day.  I concentrate on making sure I'm busy, busy, busy....so busy that I can't think about those things that drag me down under.

I'm learning to take baby steps in my life.  I've always just jumped into life full force with both feet, but now I'm taking things slow, over-thinking things mostly, but making sure I don't make the same mistakes.  So bare with me everyone, I will try to keep my posts positive, but I'm sure those days will creep up on me when I just have to vent.  Stay tuned to my drama....there's plenty more to come!

 
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